80s For the Ladies

To lead us into the long weekend, it's another possible recurring item from your Philly utility guy. I went to a small school in MD for college, basically the size of a large high school, so the chances of a completely random bang were zero. If you hammered some girl's ass on Friday, half of campus knew by dinnertime Saturday. You had to be discreet, unless the chick was a total slampig and didn't care. (Loved them. Still do.) But a lot of these small school liberal arts broads put on a front like they're gonna make a difference in this world and they are too good to smush. Now an asshole (yours truly) is likely to get a fair share of work, but we're talking quantity over quality. To get one of the 10 or 11 legitimately hot chicks on campus, you needed a different strategy. I could never play sensitive guy; I really am an asshole almost incapable of feelings. So I went for the jugular with my version of female kryptonite: fucking excellent 80s music. You grab one of these uppity bitches at a party, pretend to care about what they're droning on about for a few minutes and tell her you want to go listen to some 80s music back at your pad. If you put on the right song, these women react like Khloe Kardashian would if she was given a 10-minute free-for-all in Termini Brothers Bakery. I remember using Bette Davis Eyes (by some nobody named Kim Carnes) to put some sex to this Asian gal back in the day. We went to my place, turned this song on and had her ankles to ears by the middle of the second verse. Great success!

PS The version I posted is a Brandon Flowers cover version from 2 months ago in DC. Guy straight kills it.

PPS People are gonna say, "Hey Hot Sauce, this seems like a very similar recurring post to the Friday Jam of the Week on Stoolala." To that I would reference Peter Griffin's infamous Gil Gerard speech and reply "It is similar, but not the same." Besides, the only things I would ever steal from a woman are cooking tips and her virginity. And I don't cook. As my man Emeril Lagasse so eloquently puts it, "BAM"!