Pa. man freezes to death overnight in his car A northeastern Pennsylvania man froze to death after spending the night in his car in single-digit weather, authorities said. Police in Carbon County said Alan Kurtz, 49, of Lansford, was found by his wife outside their home about 9:30 a.m. Saturday. Detective Jack Soberick of the Lansford Police Department said Kurtz was using a coat and a blanket in the car Friday night. Kurtz was rushed to St. Luke's Miners Memorial Hospital in Coaldale and doctors worked for five hours to try to get his core temperature up, but he was pronounced dead at 3:08 p.m. Saturday. An autopsy is pending and the death remains under investigation, police said. - AP
Talk about being in the dog house, the wife could have let him at least sleep on the fucking couch.
A Hill District woman was criminally charged for sending her shoeless 12-year-old boy outside and into the snow. Carmella Cosby, 38, of Junilla Street, was charged with child endangerment, according to Pittsburgh police. Police said the boy was found walking barefoot and coatless at the corner of Chauncy Street and Webster Avenue in the Hill District by a police officer at 2:22 a.m. Saturday. A police report noted he was walking in "large amounts of snow" and the temperature at the time was 4 degrees. Ms. Cosby was jailed and at least two of her children, including the boy, were put into the care of child welfare caseworkers.
I always envisioned there was a class that parents had to take where it taught them the most essential things of taking care of a kid and if you didn't pass you couldnt have one, like a high school diploma. If that's so, on what day do you get taught you cant send your kid out in the snow with no shoes when its like 5 degrees outside? That has to be first day stuff right, like with feeding your fucking kid and changing his diaper.
Another work week in the books, another 80s tune to melt the hearts and panties of our fairer sex. This week is "Come On Eileen" by the ultimate one-hit wonders Dexy's Midnight Runners. Every broad in America reacts like they're in an Oprah giveaway audience when this tune starts. Really an obvious choice here.
Bonus points for the fellas that are married to, dating or plain banging a girl named Eileen. "Oh Sauce, what are you up to this weekend?" 'I'm gonna come on Eileen.' Delicious double entendre right there.
This blog is going to be called “who would you rather be”?
For all you fucking dodo birds out there, this is how it will work: I will post some pictures of people, and I will give you my editors pick and reasoning. Leave a comment agreeing/disagree/ your analysis of the people; I don’t really give a fuck, just leave a comment!
For the first ever “who would you rather be”? I am going to do a match up of NFC and AFC QB’s. Because, make no mistake about it, being a NFL QB is basically the same thing as using Love Potion #9 on bitches because they will flock to and drop panties like its their job (which it should be).
Anyway here the match up: you got Jay Cutler and Aaron Rodgers from the NFC and Mark Sanchez and Ben Roethlisberger from the AFC. I am going to narrow mine down by division: Culter vs. Rodgers is a no brainer for me, Rodgers easily, Culter is a pumpkin-pie hair cutted freak who sucks and shouldn’t be in the Playoffs. That being said, Rodgers is one of the best QB’s in the league and I guarantee he dominates cheese-head pussy up in Green Bay. (side note) I will always route for the team that takes out the Birds, because then I can at least say we lost to the champs.
Now for the AFC: Sanchez vs. Raplisberger (I mean) Roethlisberger, this isn’t as easy as it might seem. On one hand you have Sanchez, while he seems to be as dumb as a box of wrenches, he has to pull in just truckloads of pussy in NY and every time he goes back to USC, but he also hasn’t won shit and has to deal with people criticizing him all year long and basically blaming any Jets loss on him, (that’s a lot to handle every year). Then you have Big Ben, who is a rapist and should immediately taken out of the running, but he does have two rings and is treated like a GOD in Pittsburgh, like this fucking guy could get convicted/accused 10 more times and people in Pittsburgh would still worship the ground he raped (I mean walked) on. But I am going to have to take the punishment and criticism every year and be Sanchez, because there is just tooo much pussy in NYC, and even the idea of going to USC for a weekend and laying pipe to college chicks gives me the tingles. So yea definitely Sanchez here.
Now for the finals: Sanchez vs. Rodgers….Drum roll Plllleaassse...I am going to have to pick Rodgers, just because he is going to be considered one of the all time greats if he keeps playing the way he is and wins a Super Bowl or two. While Sanchez could be out of the league in a couple years and be an afterthought, which would dramatically hurt his pussy getting skillzzz.
Ok all of you readers out there, here is Guess those Twins Friday edition!
Coming with hot, hot, hot, fire every time, this chick is without a doubt one of the all time favorites not just for me but for every man, woman, and child.
A woman was partially paralyzed from a hickey that caused her to have a small stroke, the New Zealand Medical Journal said according to a media report. The 44-year-old New Zealander went to the emergency room after she found that she couldn't move her left arm while she was watching TV, The Christchurch Press reported. Doctors concluded that she had had a stroke but were perplexed as to why, the paper said. Then they found a "love bite" on her neck near a major artery, and discovered a clot in the artery beneath the hickey — a small vertical bruise. "Because it was a love bite there would be a lot of suction," said Dr. Wu, who attended to the woman over a year ago at the Middlemore Hospital in Auckland, according to the paper. "Because of the physical trauma it had made a bit of bruising inside the vessel." He added the clot traveled to the woman's heart and caused the stroke.
I am trying to think of something better that could happen to a guy then to be able to give a woman a hickey and basically shut down her entire body. It's not like they are doing anal or flying through the air on a sex swing, this motherfucker was just giving his girl a hickey and put her down for the count. He's set for the rest of his life, just walking around telling bitches at the bar his mouth can suck like a hoover and it had to be registered with the government as a deadly weapon. Game. Set. Match.
Sometimes the old methods may work best. Researchers at Thomas Jefferson University say that they've identified a key agent in the brain chemistry responsible for hangover headaches and that a good remedy is one tried by every tormented soul who's ever groped for a morning-after cup of coffee:
Caffeine. The stimulant has long been an ingredient in over-the-counter headache medications. But the Jefferson study is the first to link caffeine's effectiveness to its ability to block the activity of a chemical called adenosine.
These doctors can cut the shit about discovering that caffeine blocks some thing we have never heard of and thats the best way to get rid of the headache that bothers the shit out of you after a night of binge drinking and banging some pig you thought was good looking. I mean people have been saying for like 25 fucking years that coffee is for hangovers, like you wake up and brew a pot and thats how you cure it. I dont even know what other cures people have come up with to be honest, its all about caffeine. Like you are drunk as shit, cant see straight, you pop a few Excedrin because those mother fuckers are like five hour energy in pill form, go to sleep and wake up with some Folgers. CAFFEINE. Maybe these doctors should work on cancer or some shit thats important.
A narrowly divided state Supreme Court has voided a 4-year-old city ordinance that was designed to curtail the use of cigars, cigarettes, rolling papers and other tobacco products as vehicles for marijuana and other illegal drugs, the court announced yesterday.
The state's high court ruled 4-3 that the ordinance, sponsored by Councilman Brian O'Neill, was inconsistent with state law regulating tobacco products and drug paraphernalia.The Pennsylvania law has a broad prohibition against the sale of any paraphernalia used to grow, harvest, package or use illegal drugs. But prosecutions are limited to situations in which the seller knows or "reasonably should know" that the buyer intends to use the paraphernalia illegally.
This is what I am talking about mother fuckers, lets blaze the shit out this place tonight like Wiz Khalifa!!!!!!!!
Yahoo Sports-Three million people competed at fantasy football on ESPN.com this year. One man managed to rise above all of them, and he did it despite not having a computer. Or a place to live. For the sake of comparison, I finished under .500 in a league of 12 people, and I spend all day with my face buried in NFL news, stats and highlights. Obviously, Nathan Harrington, 33, of Salem, Mass., knows something I don't. Harrington ended up homeless after needing back surgery, going on medical leave from his job, and being forced to leave his home because it was condemned. And still, he was better than over 3 million people at fantasy football. He used computers at his father's nursing home, his mother's house, and the library. He knocked on neighbors' doors and asked if he could use their computers. If you're wondering about specifics, Harrington drafted Arian Foster(notes) and picked up Brandon Lloyd(notes) as a free agent. He made trades for Adrian Peterson and Dwayne Bowe(notes). Oddly, Tony Romo(notes) was his quarterback, but when Romo went down with a season-ending injury, Harrington had to make due with a string of borderline fantasy quarterbacks. He clinched the top spot behind Tim Tebow's surprising Week 17 performance against the Chargers. From The Salem News: "My fantasy football was the one thing that kind of seemed to be going right at the time," Harrington said. "There was a lot to be upset about, but the one thing that was steady and heading in a positive direction was the fantasy football. So I thought I might as well stick with it and ride it out. Thank God I did."
Is this surprising to anyone? A guy with nothing to do all day but sit at the computer and wait for players to become available and pick them up wins? I mean first off this guy’s homeless story is kinda suspect; ok he had back surgery and went on medical leave? You get paid for that, don’t you? And he was kicked out of his house, not because he couldn’t make payments and the bank foreclosed on it. No he was kicked out because it was condemned? So basically this guy was a fucking slob. Does anyone else watch the show “hoarders”, because those people live in the biggest scariest hellholes on Earth and their houses are NOT condemned, so this motherfuckers house must have been something special. And don’t give me that, oh your so insensitive blah, this is a heartwarming story blah fucking blah. I call em like I read em and my man Nathan needs to get his shit in order. 1. Stop treating your house like a landfill and maybe the authorities will let you live in it. 2. Now that your back is better, instead of going door to door asking to use your neighbor’s computer like a creep, go get a fucking job.
P.S. I’m so glad this story was made out to be some magical dream come true type story. Guy didn’t win a million dollars and is able to get his life back on track, he won fucking Best Buy gift cards, which his own fucking mother took him for, Christ ill buy those gift cards for $3000 and still come out $500 up. Lady must really hate her son, if she’s got $2500 bucks to throw around and can’t even give the guy an airmattress to crash on.
NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- Wendy's/Arby's Group shares spiked almost 6% Thursday morning after the fast food giant announced it may sell its struggling Arby's roast beef sandwich chain to focus resources exclusively on the Wendy's brand.
Sales at Arby's North American restaurants open at least 15 months fell 5.9% during the third fiscal quarter, following a 7.4% drop in the second quarter and an 11.5% decline in the first quarter.
Wendy's/Arby's (WEN) chairman Nelson Peltz said "the reality is that the Wendy's brand, given its relative size and scope, is the key driver of shareholder return, and we believe we should focus on the execution of the compelling growth opportunities at Wendy's."
The company said it is working with UBS Investment Bank to explore "strategic alternatives" for Arby's, including a sale of the chain.
I mean show me a guy who doesn't like the 5 for $5.95 deal and I'll show you a fucking liar. Give me the a Beef'n Cheddar, a Montana Roast Beef, a regular Roast Beef, an order of Curly Fries and a Diet Coke. Don't you even begin to judge my drink selection either. But seriously, let's ban our money together and purchase this once Top 5 Fast Food Joint. I'd hire some slick Middle Eastern business men, preferably Syrians, but I'd be happy with anyone from the general neighborhood and we would be straight printing cash in 3 weeks. A few years ago, a couple of my buddies and I started to looking into buying a Chick-Fil-A but obviously it never got further than his living room, otherwise I wouldn't be writing on this website. Plus, I'd throw the company values/rules to the sides and serve the best fucking chicken sandwiches that a Sunday has ever seen.
That being said, let's here YOUR Top 5 Fast Food Places.
My List: 1. "The Always Delicious" Taco Bell 2. Chick-Fil-A 3. KFC 4. Wendy's 5. Arby's
Am I leaving a place out? Doubt it. (East Coast Biased too, so I can't be putting in a place that I have to fly 3,000 miles to enjoy.)
For you non-Philly mopes, Wing Bowl is an annual tradition held every Super Bowl Friday at the Wells Fargo Center in the stadium complex. It is a chicken-wing eating contest. If you need any further explanation, you are a retard. Philly is usually wide-open that weekend to host this event, due to the fact that Andy Reid is our fat joke of a coach and we'll never get back to the big game as long as he's in charge. Yeah there was that one time a few years back we made it, but what happened? Oh right, Don (another major league failure) vomited on the field as we attempt to run the 2-minute offense.
Anyway, what sets this competition apart is that amateurs from around the US attempt to "qualify" for the Wing Bowl by successfully performing ridiculous eating stunts. If they qualify, they show up at Wells Fargo with an entourage and proceed to get a WWE-style entrance introduction before clogging their arteries with wing sauce. It is a truly awesome event, kinda like the Mummers parade for fat jerkoff dickweeds. Every year, there's usually a few attempts that stand out from the rest. For Wing Bowl 19, my man Joe (not pictured above) takes the proverbial cake with his utterly amazing "feet". (Get it?) Eating a cheeseburger in 5 minutes is something any guy could do. Eating it SOLE-ly (There's another one) with your disgusting feet is super impressive.
Here's the thing ... if the Jets lose to the Steelers this weekend, Rex Ryan has to be in his entourage, right? This is the biggest no-brainer in the history of no-brainers. He could ride out in a foot-shaped float sponsored by Dr. Scholl's as Rex does creepy voiceover work and the black dude pictured above weirdly sniffs Michelle Ryan's feet. Somebody with way more connections and power than me needs to make this happen.
And the answer is Jennifer Jlo Lopez. Once straight fire every time you saw her, and recent years hasn’t made my dick skip a beat. But now with new season of American Idol I think Jenny from the block is back, I mean she looked fucking goooood last night.
P.S. How the fuck is Mark Anthony married to her? He has got to be one of the ugliest people on Earth right?
J-Woww is in the clear — for now! The Jersey Shore star was freaking out that her ex-boyfriend and former manager Tom Lippolis claimed to have several naked photos of her from before and after her plastic surgery procedures. But luckily, Judge Jeffrey Brown of the Nassau County Supreme Court has ruled in J-Woww’s favor, granting an injunction against Tom, meaning that Tom can’t sell any pictures or videos of her until the case it completely settled!
This brings up a great question regarding famous hot bitches and wanting to see them naked which we all do. If you had to rank them out, where would J-WOWW fall? Like if you were doing a bracket of march madness with 64 hot famous biddies you want to see naked, is J-WOWW and her dual set of jubblies a top 5 seed? Or is she the sleeper 13 seed who always takes down a 4 in the first round like Creighton or Illinos St.? And an even better question, who is the #1 overall seed? I can tell you right now Blake Lively is like the Duke of my fucking bracket, just a top seed year in and year out.
The man accused of being the Kensington Strangler was charged last night for the murder and rape of three women whom police say he admitted killing last year. Antonio Rodriguez, 22, told police, after he was taken into custody Monday night that he had raped and killed Nicole Piacentini, 35; Elaine Goldberg, 21, and Casey Mahoney, 27, sources said. Rodriguez was charged with three counts each of murder, rape, abuse of corpse and involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. He was expected to be arraigned last night by closed-circuit television. The charges were filed after a fresh DNA sample taken from Rodriguez this week came back as a match yesterday to genetic material found on the first two victims, police said. In his confession to police, he offered detectives little in the way of a motive for the stranglings, painting them simply as crimes that "just happened" after he admittedly set out to have violent sexual encounters with each of the women, sources said. Read more: http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20110120_Rape__murder_charges_for_man_accused_of_being_Kensington_Strangler.html
Like this guys motive (non-motive) is really what scares the shit out of me. Like this guy had no motive for doing any of this? These women weren’t ex-girlfriends who were banging somebody on the side, or people who harmed his family or friends, they were just people. According to his motive, he was sitting at home and thought to himself, I really feel like having a violent sexual encounter tonight, lets go strangle and rape some bitches, like that is really what his thought process was? Thank god they caught this fucking guy, and I am sure his lawyer is going to play some game and get him a plea deal, when in reality they should just shoot this guy in fucking head and call it a day because I am pretty sure this guy will never do society any good.
P.S. I hope this guy doesn’t read this blog (probably safe bet, since noone does) and tries to find out who I am.
Yoji Pop just straight blazing to Miley Cyrus, like ten times better than the original, blowing hot fire on the mic. As soon as they sent Yoji home, I turned it off. If this guy cant get through to the next round, then I don't want to watch. As the old saying goes, if Yoji Pop is wrong, then I dont want to be right.
Well, since guess those twins wasn’t so easy yesterday (I only say this because I didn't have a comment saying, “I did guess it correctly where's my shout out”) I am assuming its was pretty difficult, this one isn’t going to be too much easier, but it is someone very relevant right now. Let’s see if any of you can guess it correctly.
P.S. If you think you know the answer, leave a comment saying who it is, then Ill give you a shout out. If you tell me you knew who it was, and guessed it correctly without posting a comment that’s called Monday Morning Quarterback and anyone can do that, and you will not receive ANY shout out from me my friend.
READING (AP) — A Berks County woman is questioning the professionalism of mall security workers after a video of her tumbling into a mall fountain while texting went viral. Cathy Cruz Marrero told the Reading Eagle she both laughs and cries about her face-first flop into the fountain at the Berkshire Mall in Wyomissing. The video shows Marrero, oblivious to the looming fountain, tripping over the edge and falling into the water. She quickly gathers her bag and dropped cell phone and walks away. She acknowledges the video is funny, but says the security personnel heard laughing on the recording should have been more concerned about her well-being. Marrero has hired an attorney to look into the matter. A message left for the mall management office was not immediately returned.
Lets cut the shit here Cathy Cruz okay, you got caught on camera doing something stupid and it ended up on the internet because this is the fucking 21st Century and everyone who watches it comments on how stupid you are and now you're pissed. But lets drop the hiring a lawyer to investigate act because the security guards are human beings and human beings are going to laugh at that video because it was fucking funny and you looked stupid.
An intriguing footnote to the Eagles' hiring of defensive line coach Jim Washburn is his strong relationship with Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, who desperately wants out of Washington. Haynesworth's agent, Chad Speck, told the Daily News that he couldn't comment because Haynesworth is the property of the Redskins, who have not indicated they intend to trade or release him. But there are strong indications Haynesworth, a two-time Pro Bowl player for the Titans but a laughingstock in Washington, would like to play for Washburn in Philadelphia. Haynesworth signed a huge contract with the Redskins after two All-Pro seasons under Washburn. "I owe Coach Wash pretty much everything. If my deal was $100 million or whatever, then Washburn deserves $90 million,'' Haynesworth told the Tennessean. "I have the talent, but he taught me how to let it loose. As a player, once you can get through the (colorful language), get down to the core of what he is saying, the information is more valuable than gold. He's a great coach, a great teacher. The Titans should have paid a lot of money to keep him from leaving.''
Well holy shit, I didn't anticipate reading this when I got up this morning. I feel like the video up top says it all about this clown, he got his money and then he took a nap for a year or two like the lazy motherfucker he is. I mean if there was a stat that showed value of players, like how much they made and then the impact they had on a season, Haynesworth had to have set the all-time low score, just failing fucking fitness tests and sitting out games with headaches and shit. Then you start thinking, what if Andy Reid gets a hold of him, could he handle him better than Shanahan? Is this Washburn guy a key to a productive Haynesworth? Could playing on a playoff team inspire the guy to actually give a fucking shit? Dare I say we could have something here...
First we have the newest one from a Cleveland Browns angle. Very good, very very good.
Then the Redskins from a few weeks back when they got their shit packed in by the Eagles. I'm still feeling my man Chad Dukes and the Redskins rant, mostly because of Lavar in the background with the "get em's" but both of these are epicly awesome and go to show you no matter how bad you think your team is, at least you arent the Redskins or Browns.
By Chris Chase For one-third the price of a regular ticket, NFL fans will be able to stand outside Cowboys Stadium and act like they are attending the Super Bowl XLV. The league announced on Wednesday that tickets to watch the game on large HD video screens on the east side of the stadium will cost $200. They're calling it the "party plaza," because what's more of a party than spending two bills to go through a security line for the right to sit on a grassy knoll, pay $9 for a beer and watch a game that's freely available on television? Tickets will first be offered to Cowboys season-ticket holders who will have to buy in blocks of four. The $800 will cover four tickets to watch the game, four programs, four scarves and a parking pass. Scarves? For that price, they better be Burberry. "We've never done this before," NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told ESPN Dallas of the league's plan to price-gouge folks who want to attend the Super Bowl without actually attending the Super Bowl. Besides additional revenue, the biggest upside for the Cowboys is that those buying tickets to the party plaza will count toward the game's official attendance. Jerry Jones has expressed a desire to break the Super Bowl record for biggest crowd, which was set in 1980 when 103,985 attended the game at the Rose Bowl. How people standing outside a stadium counts as attendance is beyond me. If you're standing next to an unplugged TV, does that mean you'll be tallied in the Nielsen ratings?
Hey NFL, go fuck yourself, seriously if I didn’t love football as much as I did I would never watch it again or go to another game. You want me to pay $200 dollars to tailgate in your “party plaza”? ok, well this “party plaza" better have beer taps set up everywhere with hot naked chicks running the tap, fucking food galore, a blow job tent, a lap dance tent, beer pong tournaments, hot tubs with naked chicks in it, Asian massage tent, oh yea and somewhere for me to take a nap at half time.
But do you think that’s what this “party plaza” is going to have? Nope, none of that, just your regular jillion dollar fucking flat beers and shitty hotdogs for half a jillion dollars, oh but you get a free scarf, so it all evens out. Suck my dick NFL. I will gladly spend $50 Bucks buy a shit ton of wings, and beer and stuff my face until I fall into a coma because 1. I don’t care about the fucking super bowl since the Eagles are not in it and 2. I wouldn’t pay $200 to stand outside anywhere.
If I went to Dallas for the super bowl I would stand outside the ropes of the “party plaza” with my dick out telling everyone how completely fucking dumb and insane they were for buying a ticket to this.
P.S. Fucking Jerry Jones, this guy has to wipe his ass with Ben Franklin's right?
After seeing the preview to the upcoming episode of Jersey Shore, it made me realize how much I fucking love Doppleganger's. Give me some more of Ron-Ron part Deux! I mean I live for this shit. That title line has a million fucking angles, mainly for charming the little panties off of girls. Say you're sitting around drinking, digging some new broad who your friend knows, but she's acting a little bit like a stuck-up bitch...what do you do? You fucking drop the hammer!!
ME: "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Megan Fox?" Broad: "Really? Well I have had a few people mention it.(whilst getting all moist)" ME: "Yes, I mean in the face, I definitely see it. Same nose and eyes. (Dear god, I hope lies don't make my future children crippled and blind)" Broad: "Well thank you. Let's bang."
At least that's how my fucking encounter's usually end up. Also it's great for burying some douchebag, ass-clown who you are hanging out with that you have to put up with because he's a friend of a friend. You know who you look like(cool guy)? Joakim Noah. You can't recover from that.
With all this in mind, readers can submit friend's pictures along with side by side photos of their famous Doppleganger. Don't send me some picture of your friend who I don't know, with his look-a-like being some other asshole that I also don't know. It's gotta be someone at least slightly famous. Think John Bolaris (for you Philly people) or the UPS Whiteboard guy for everyone else. We'll post the best ones for now and if you bitches keep on reading, maybe we'll send you some product.
Douglass(Berks)Twp. police investigate a single vehicle collision on Old Philadelphia Pike in Douglass(Berks) Twp Wed afternoon. The driver lost control of the vehicle went off the road heading westbound crossed over and crashed into the home at 553 Old Philadelphia Pike. The residents of the property were on the porch preparing to enter the home when the driver slammed into the house. John Strickler photo
Douglass (Berks) police investigate a single-vehicle collision Wednesday afternoon on Old Philadelphia Pike. The driver lost control of the vehicle and went off the road while driving west, crossed over and crashed into the home at 553 Old Philadelphia Pike.
The owners of the home were preparing to enter the house at the time of the crash. A man suffered minor injuries when he was hit with debris. He was taken to the hospital by ambulance.
A woman who was also on the porch wasn't injured.
The driver of the vehicle was also injured and was transported to the hospital.
Boy this 82 Ford Bronco really did a number on that house, huh? Before even seeing the picture, I just assumed some old person got distracted slash died at the wheel and caused this mayhem. I mean every human being over 70 should have to prove their sanity and worth to society every 3 months or risk execution (except your grandparents, they get a pass). Old people just get in the way and cause horrific disruptions in your daily life. So naturally some old corpse caused this, right? Nope. That picture says it all. The only people who own cars like that are dirtbag trashballs from the Boyertown-Pottstown area. So this was clearly the work of a jilted lover trying to run down his old lady's husband. Notice they were both on the porch at the time but only he got smoked with debris. It would be amazing that she escaped uninjured if she wasn't in on the plot from the start. One minute you're happily married and about to enter your home after a day out, and the next some lunatic in a ridiculous teal truck is trying to leave tire treads on your back. Yikes.
And look at that asshole cop acting all pissed off the press is taking a picture of the scene. C'mon dude it's not every day a car ends up balls deep in some couple's door frame.
And the answer is Jessica Biel. Just blazing hot, as always. I really don’t think I have ever seen a bad picture of her. Easily in my top 3 of all time!
I’m sorry but I have to call fucking bullshit on this story, you mean to tell me you have the cure for cancer and your allowed to keep it on a laptop that your you carry around while you and dork husband split a salad and panini at Panera Bread? Sorry hun but your busted, like is this the biggest “my dog ate my homework” story ever? I bet this bitch had some crazy deadline to turn in research but she was too busy playing fucking sudoku or some shit on her computer and when she realized she wasn’t going make the deadline she came up with this master fucking plan.
I mean there is NO FUCKING way your carrying a laptop around with the cure for cancer on it, and if you were, there’s NO FUCKING way would you only offer $1000 dollars reward to get it back, I would offer that to someone for stealing my computer and it just has porn and music on it. So nope not buying it.
Like if this is true, then this convo really happened between this lady and her boss
Scientist lady: hey boss, I think I really have something here, might be the cure! Scientist Boss: Oh my God that’s great! What a breakthrough, this is going to change the world! Were going to be the most famous people to ever live! Were going to be billionaires, people are going ….oh shit look at the time, its already 5 o’clock time to get outta here. See you tomorrow Scientist Lady: Ok boss, ill just pack up and take my laptop home with all my work on it because me and my husband like to watch dragon ball on it at night.
And I am pretty sure any guy who see the potential of being a billionaire and most famous person on earth would NOT have had this conversation. So in conclusion, give it up lady, were all on to your fucking games.
P.S. If the cure for cancer is really on this computer, I didn’t mean anything I said, and please fucking give this laptop back to this lady so we can save some fucking lives!
How happy are citizens of Oakland going to be when old man river Al Davis crokes?
I mean this fucking guy looks like the Crypt Keeper from HBO.
I am 100% sure that everyone already knew all this information about Tom Cable and this is all old news, so is Al just trying to kick a dog while he’s down or did he forget everything when it was originally told to him and saw a recap on ESPN and lost his shit, and made his assistant prepare a letter and call a press conference? I pretty sure thats what happened here.
P.S. What size font do you think they have to use for his script he reads off? I’m guessing like 62 at a minimum.
In just his second day off the air here, Beck whaled on the City of Brotherly Love for his national radio audience, suggesting that it's not safe to walk near Independence Hall at 6 p.m., and stating that "Philadelphia is not a place you want to be." The rant was triggered during a discussion of yesterday's police and fire layoffs across the Delaware River in Camden, when Beck veered off to talk about what he called "the killing streets around Independence Hall." Beck's radio co-hosts, Pat Gray and longtime producer, Stu Burguiere, jumped in with a mild defense of the city, with Burguiere - who worked here with Beck - stating that crime is high in "areas north of the city" but that Center City areas near Independence Hall are safe for dining and culture. "I'm going to put you on a hidden cam and we're going to have you go downtown 6, 7 o'clock at night and walk around," Beck told Burguiere, and he later described a common nighttime activity in the city as "shootings."
"Well, maybe a couple of stabbings," Burguiere chuckled.
"Don't listen to Stu," Beck said. "Philadelphia sucks."
I should probably know who this Glenn Beck character is but I really don't and I really don't give a fuck either. Tough guy didnt have shit to say when he was on-air here then the day after they take him off he's running his mouth like a prize fighter at the weigh-in. Let's see this jerkoff broadcast his show down at Independence Hall and say this same shit.
P.S. Should I know who this fuck is? Seriously, should I?
THE MEN hanging at 4th and York streets in North Camden could have passed for a SWAT team, if not for the bloodshot eyes peering out of their ski masks.Dressed in black from head to toe, the men and a few teenagers came to life when a Honda Civic crawled through the intersection and pulled up to a curb."Come here, girl," one man yelled toward the passenger as she lowered the window.Before and after their transactions, some of North Camden's many corner drug dealers were blunt about yesterday's massive police layoffs in Camden."F--- 'em! We're happy. Lay 'em all off," said one man who declined to be identified. "They can stop bothering us now."
Well it look less than 24 hours to write this article, possibly the most obvious article in the history of the world. You take half the police force off the streets of the most dangerous city in America, you're going to see some happy fucking drug dealers and prostitutes. Just imagine being the writer who drew this assignment. Your editor tells you hey go down to North Camden and find some drug dealers and ask them how they are doing now that there are less pigs to bother them. You'd be lucky to not get shot for asking such a stupid fucking question.
Pittsburgh looks fucking misreable here, like at what point was someone going to put something at the top of this fucking hill and say hey, dont drive down it if you want to come out alive. Just crash after crash while this guy films it and chuckles along. What an asshole.
We all know the first couple shows are all the try outs where they just show people who sing like someone is fucking strangling them and sticking pins in their dick all at once, but the most interesting part of about this years show is the two new judges. First you got Jenny from the block , JLo who was once straight fire, but has recently been showing her age, and having like 10 kids or some shit, either way I hope she hit the fucking treadmill and did some ass lunges for this season and looks like she did back in the Pdiddy days. Then you got Steven Tyler, what’s that old saying, once a rock star, always a rock star? Because mark my word will be at least one contestant who comes out and says she hobbed on Tylers knob to get some good remarks on her otherwise shitty singing. Then you got the veteran in the group, Mr. Randy Jackson, come on DOG. I mean has a more worthless person and tv personality (who has no personality) ever lasted this long a major hit show? Idol dummed Paula on her ass, but at least her crazy nut bag ass was entertaining to watch, mostly because I was in the safety of my own home, but seriousely DOG, Randy is almost intolerable. With that being said I am excited to see how this season plays out.
P.S. Idol has already produced the greatest pure singer of our generation (Adam Lambert) ..Lets see if they can find the second greatest this year.
Camden -- Police Chief Scott Thomson said he will have about 200 officers to police one of the nation's most dangerous cities. Still, he said, the department will maintain the ability to "proactively" fight crime.
The department will no longer be able to "perform traditional services the public has come to expect," such as responding to vehicle accidents without injuries, minor thefts and vandalism, Thomson said.
Residents will now have to phone those incidents in or visit headquarters.
"With the resources we have left we cannot have officers responding to those calls and still maintain a presence in drug and violent crime hot spots," Thomson said.
So in 2009 Camden led the nation in highest crime rate. There was like over two thousand crimes for every 100k in people which is like 4 times the average in America. Like if there is any fucking city in the country that needs to lose cops, its fucking Camden. Are you kidding me? I understand budget cuts but in Camden New Jersey you cant cut the police force. Imagine if Microsoft said we are going to lay off all the Asians. It just wouldnt work, you cant get rid of what makes you tick and the only thing keeping Camden from being Iraq is those fucking cops.
Retiring Gil Meche puts a price tag on his pride: It's $12 million
No matter who you are or how much you think of your integrity and principles, it has to be hard for anyone to walk away from a guaranteed $12 million for a year of work. Yet that's exactly what Kansas City Royals pitcher Gil Meche(notes) is doing as he's decided to retire from baseball with one year and $12 million remaining on the five-year, $55 million contract that shocked the baseball world after the 2006 season. Rather than try to junkball his way out of the bullpen through the final year, Meche thinks it's a fairer choice for everyone if he takes the right arm that former manager Trey Hillman treated with reckless abandon and calls it a career with an 84-83 record and a ERA+ of 99 (for the uninitiated, 100 is league average). All at the relatively young age of 32, too. Here's part of Meche's statement that was released on Tuesday morning: "As a competitor my entire life this is the hardest decision that I've ever faced, but it's not fair to me, my family or the Kansas City Royals that I attempt to pitch anymore. I came into this game as a starting pitcher and unfortunately my health, more accurately, my shoulder, has deteriorated to the point where surgery would be the only option and at this stage of my life I would prefer to call it a career rather than to attempt to pitch in relief for the final year of my contract." Considering that Meche has already banked more than $50 million in his career, there's no doubt that the cynics are yawning and saying "big deal." But how often do we complain about an athlete picking up a paycheck when he's not earning it? And how easy would it have been for Meche to trot himself out to spring training, go on the disabled list a short while later and spend one more year cashing pay stubs bigger than what some Americans make in a lifetime?
When did the MLB become so righteous? First Vernon Wells comes out and says what every fucking other person in the world ready knew, that he stinks and isn’t worth a jillion dollars a year, and now this fucking schmuck Gil Meche is retiring because he stinks and doesn’t want to sit in the bullpen, giving up $12 million guaranteed? Am I missing something? Because first things first, no matter how fucking bad you are, being a major league anything is infinitely better than any other fucking job you could possible imagine. And the fact that you get to sit in the fucking bullpen, joke around all day, hit on bitches in the stands, mess with your bullpen coach, and collect fucking $70k after each game, ummmmmm that sounds pretty fucking amazing. I don’t care if I go out there and throw fucking BP and let 5 back to back homeruns go out of the park then get booed off the mound and go sit back down with a big fucking smile on my face, like take it deep fans, I’m going out to some fucking great steak dinner, drink my face off, and take the waitress home.. what are you doing??? God I would give anything to be in the MLB, NFL, NHL, or NBA, I would even take being a soccer pussy in the MLS, because those dudes get paid and laid.
P.S. Blah Fucking Blah about, well he already made $50 Million …so fucking what, do you know what you could do with $12 million, a fucking lot that’s what. Just spend the year throwing massive fucking parties if you don’t want the money or hey give me some fucking money dude, I could pay some college loans.
P.SS Fuck... this story makes me sooo mad, just giving up millions because you’re a sad little pussy.
And the answer is Jenny Jwoww Farley! Like I said earlier no where near my favorite Guess those Twins contender, but her status as a celebrity, while disturbing and baffling, is at its peak, so I might as well share those babies while their still relevant.
The North Penn School District has confirmed a case of pertussis – whooping cough – in a student at Pennbrook Middle School in Upper Gwynedd.
The case was reported to the Montgomery County Health Department on Thursday and was found in a Pennbrook 8th grader, according to a letter to students from school Principal James Galante posted Monday afternoon.
In the letter, Galante tells parents that the County Health Department urges all students be observed over the next two weeks for possible symptoms, including a running nose or sudden uncontrollable bursts of coughing, and that all sick children be seen by a pediatrician for evaluation, including a nasopharyngeal culture for Pertussis.
The letter also asks parents to check the vaccination status of their students, keep infants away from anybody with a cough, and treat all household members with antibiotics if a child is diagnosed with pertussis.
Included with the letter is a pertussis fact sheet with a description of symptoms, methods of treatment, and best ways to prevent the disease. The letter is available on the school’s website http://www.npenn.org/pennbrookms/.
In what seems like an article straight from 1786, a case of whooping cough has been confirmed in the North Penn school district. What's next, a polio outbreak at Wissahickon? Mumps ravaging Spring-Ford? Smallpox decimating Chichester? It appears this kid was in middle school. Hey asshole parents, vaccinate little Jimmy or Susie before another "Outbreak"-type scenario unfolds. The last thing I want to see is Dustin Hoffman patrolling my area in a Hazmat suit picking up strewn bodies because some J.O. is a decade late on his shots. Man with all these birds dropping from the sky and now these prehistoric diseases making a comeback, maybe the end of days is indeed nearer than we think.
Oh yeah, definitely blogged this while I was taking a post-work dump. Some stories need to be told no matter the cost.
HOUSTON — Harris County deputies said they have a great picture of a suspect who stole a woman's identity and went on a shopping spree because she posed for a photo at Sam's Club in order to get a membership using the stolen ID. Investigators said the woman has made more than $2,000 worth of purchases in Beaumont, Friendswood and Stafford and has written several fraudulent checks. Officials said the woman stole the victim's purse in October.
If your ganna steal an identity and go on a shopping spree Sam’s Club would definitely be a place I would hit up, place is the tits…I would have thought a little but about a different strategy for the whole picture taking thing, but who am I to judge.
P.S. I love the headline for this news article
P.SS I don't know how much of that $2,000 went to Sam's Club, but do you know how much shit you could buy at Sam's Club for 2K? Im talking lifetime supply of toilet paper or something...and that might just be worth the risk
Royersford prohibits loud brake retarders, restricts sidewalk salesROYERSFORD — After hearing complaints from residents on issues they felt were nuisances, borough council adopted two new ordinances prohibiting brake retarders on vehicles, and restricting sidewalk sales and obstructing building access ways.
Borough Manager Mike Leonard said the ordinances were put into effect because council received several complaints about the two issues from borough residents.
The brake retarder ordinance was enacted because residents complained about the noise the devices were making, especially during the nighttime hours, Leonard said.
According to the ordinance, brake retarders are prohibited because they create excessive noise, adversely affecting the health, safety and welfare of residents.
Drivers are prohibited from using the devices on Main Street, beginning at 10th Avenue and continuing to Fifth Avenue.
There are exceptions to the ordinance. In an emergency situation, drivers can use them if it will protect the safety of residents, property, motorists, pedestrians or the vehicle's driver.
Anyone caught using brake retarders inside the prohibited area could face a $50 to $300 fine and jail time up to 10 days.
So are Royersford Officials breaking Constitutional Rights with these new ordinances or are they opening the door for other City Officials to create ordinances out of the blue? For instance, are city officials going to read this and say oh we can just tell people things we don’t like are illegal and when asked why we just say oh because “it’s adversely affecting the health, safety and welfare of residents”? Because if that the case I will write a God Damn book on things that should be illegal and you should be able to be fined for if you do them. Here is a quick list that comes to my mind:
1. Driving when you’re a woman, or Asian, and double that fine if you’re an Asian woman. 2. Coughing in my face or on my back in the subway 3. Sitting at a 6 person table at lunch when you’re fucking by yourself and there are 2 top tables all around you. 4. Talking on the phone to your baby daddy /baby mama or cousin Ray Ray during a movie 5. Not turning on RED when there is no posted sign that says “Do Not Turn On Red” 6. Taking more than 60 seconds to use the ATM 7. Walking across the street when the marker on the other side is a FUCKING HAND Sign not a Walking Sign (ill run your ass over, cool hipster guy strolling across the street in your 12 year old girl jeans)
Don’t misconstrue my remarks, I 100% agree with banning brake retarders (even though I don’t know what that is, I am assuming its something like BubRub and Lil Sis have going on in this youtube video) but never the less, the last thing I want to hear at night is some horrific screeching down the street from De-Shawnn and Mc Fly driving their Lincoln Mercury down High Street, seats back, Lil Wayne pumpin, and brake retarder on. Fuck that, just because you don’t work, doesn’t mean I don’t have to get up at the ass crack of dawn and make a real living. But the real question still remains, is this Constitutional? I mean isn’t America great because you can be a complete jerkoff asshole and put a retarder (still not sure I understand what that is) on your car, or sell fake coach bags Asian Martial Arts movies on the street?
P.S. BubRub does have a point in his statement at the (1:33 mark) “that’s only in the morning, you supposed to be up making breakfast for sumbody and so that’s like an alarm clock whooo whooo” …
P.SS KRON 4 news reporter has BubRub and Lil Sis give a demonstration at the 1:46 mark and they almost take out the entire line of cars on the left side of the street and completely blow that stop sign and cause an oncoming car to swerve out of the way (nice demonstration).
P.SSS this is by far one of my all time favorite youtube clips.
Philadelphia -- One man apparently didn't want his friend to have his cake and eat it too yesterday. Two friends were in a car on 2nd Street near Callowhill about 2:40 a.m. when the passenger began eating a piece of the driver's cake, according to police. This enraged the driver, who shot his friend once in the chest, a Central Detectives investigator said.
"They weren't supposed to be sharing," he said. "One was eating the other's food. They got into an argument and 'Bang! Bang!' "
The investigator denied a conflicting report that french fries were at the center of the argument.
Listen, I can 100% feel the pain of this driver. I love nothing more than food and a good peice of cake and if some asshole that I am driving around like Miss Daisy thinks he going to just eat my slice, well he needs to find out how fucking wrong he is. I respect the hell out of this guy because he set an important example about what should happen if you decide to touch someones food. "Bang, bang" as the officer put it. What do you want to bet this guy who got shot will ask anytime he wants to eat anything for the rest of this life, like he will be in a restaurant asking his waiter if its okay to eat the bread now, guaranteed.
Today is your luck day gentlemen, and I guess ladies depending on who you are. But today we introduce to you a feature that we will try to make a staple of TOP (This is Our Philly) for the late person. Today is the very first “Guess those Twins” posting. And for the first post, I didn’t go with a favorite or even close to favorite, but went with someone who is part of a pop culture "situation" that is sweeping across the nation like a California wild fire.
And since no one reads this site and we don’t have any money to set up a real site we can not have a link to click on to see the answer right away. So we are going to try and post the Twins picture and then a few hours later we will post the answer. If you don’t like it, to fucking bad that just how it is. So lets get some guesses going here. (if you cant guess it, you should climb out of whatever hole your living in and turn on the TV)
P.S. I know this is a kind of like Guess that Ass from Barstoolsports, but guess what…its not guess that ass, so its not stealing.
So I'm fucking up and at em at 6:15 this morning and get home around 6pm to check the blog and see what the boys put up and find one fucking article about the god damn Eagles firing some asshole I've never heard of anyway. So I text Dougie and Hot Sauce to see what the fuck is up and they tell me its a holiday and they will be back to blogging tomorrow. BLOGGERS DONT HAVE HOLIDAYS MOTHER FUCKERS. Also, I truly thought you had to be black to celebrate MLK day, like if you are a white mail man you still had to deliver this morning right?
OCALA, Fla. — An Ocala man says he is staying with his girlfriend even after she was arrested for pouring gasoline on his genitals and setting him on fire.
Forty-two-year-old Andrew Williams suffered serious burns and was taken to Shands Hospital in Gainesville last week after police say his 29-year-old girlfriend, Victoria Bynes, set him on fire.
Witnesses called police after seeing the couple arguing, and then Bynes pouring gas on her boyfriend and lighting him on fire.
How good must Victoria Bynes be in bed? Like she must let Andrew do whatever he wants and film it and upload it to spankwire and shit to show his friends. Like she must allow fucking ATM and anal and shit on a daily basis because there is no way a man is staying with a woman who lights his balls on fire if she isnt making his balls feel an equal amount of pleasure as she just caused pain, am I right?
KEY WEST, Fla. — A naked man yelling he was "king of the world" ran into traffic on Big Coppitt Key early Sunday morning. Keysnet.com reports 43-year-old Richard Gervasi of Phoenixville, Pa., was running into traffic on US-1 around 1:30 a.m.Deputies arrived and found Gervasi and two of his friends, one of whom Gervasi attacked when the sheriff's office pulled up. He then allegedly ran at Deputy Danielle Malone, who tased him.
But Gervasi pulled the Taser prongs out, so the deputy tased him again — but that didn't end the confrontation. As another deputy arrived, Gervasi got up again and started walking toward his friends. So deputies tased him a third time and then handcuffed him.
As he was being taken into custody, he said he was "made of steel."
Gervasi was charged with disturbing the peace and resisting arrest. Investigators say he had been drinking and took LSD before the incident.
Well, well, well nothing like a great tasing story to kick off the week huh? So this 43 year old guy hops himself up on some LSD and goes running into traffic screaming like Leo Dicaprio on the Titanic about being king of the world. Whats that old saying about going down in a blaze of glory? Well this asshole is on fucking fire then.
P.S. The best part of the entire arrest has to be the part where the guy PULLED THE TASER PRONGS OUT OF HIS BODY and then told the cops he was "made of steel", right? Like thats just a comment that you make when you fucked out of your mind high.
P.S.S. The normal taser takedown is one right? Like if you withstand one taser, you are the fucking Chuck Liddel of taser. If you withstand two tasers you are the Chuck Norris. Remember Bradley Cooper took one tase and Fat Jesus took two in the Hangover, so this guy is setting a very disturbing precedent.
Eagles Fire D-Line Coach Rory Segrest PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — The shakeup on defense continued for the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday. One day after relieving defensive coordinator Sean McDermott of his duties, the Eagles did the same with defensive line coach Rory Segrest.
The move was confirmed on the team’s website.
Segrest, who joined Andy Reid’s staff in 2005, had coached the defensive line for the last two seasons.
The defensive line struggled with its pass rush much of the season, recording just seven sacks in the Eagles’ last six games.
In two playoff games under the direction of Segrest, the Eagles defensive lineman failed to record a single sack, while the defense as a whole allowed the opposing running back to rush for well over a hundred yards in each contest.
No replacement for either Segrest or McDermott has yet been named
So the Offseason moves keep coming…Eagles now have fired D-line coach Roy Sergrest…
This was a no brainer move. I mean the guy has 4 1st round draft picks on his D-Line and in two playoff games they failed to record a single sack. Take a fucking hike buddy. He should have told you that after the 1st playoff game with zero sacks. God, can you please send Jimmy Johnson back down to Earth because these fucking jokers that have been put in his place are completely incompetent. I know some people are ganna say oh well you should blame the players and, the coaches aren’t out there on the field. And sometimes I agree but sometime its about fucking schemes and blitz packages that you’re coordinator puts together and prepares all week. The way these guys put pressure on teams I’m pretty sure the coaches were like Michael Scott in the Office when he discovered youtube and didn’t do any work for 5 straight days and watched Cookie Monster sings Chocolate Rain 500 times…yeah im pretty sure that’s the type of shit they were doing all week.
Just five days after Andy Reid said that Sean McDermott would be back next season, the Eagles' defensive coordinator was fired, the team confirmed Saturday.
The Eagles have not named a replacement, although senior assistant Dick Jauron is a candidate, team sources said. There will be a full interviewing process, but the vetting may not begin until Reid returns from a vacation that ends later this week.
Yup, just the same shit with Fat Andy. Cant make up his mind about anything. All year everyone was paying attention to the offense because Kevin Kolb started the season then Vick came on and played like a video game and the team was scoring 40 points a game and DeSean Jackson was doing the dougie while runnin back punts and Shady McCoy was better than Westbrook in his prime and all this crazy shit had the Eagles winning enough games to get into the playoffs.
Then the Packers knocked them out. Andy said McDermott would be back. Once the loss set in, Andy said hey wait one fucking minute, we gave up like 400 fucking points this year? And teams threw like fucking 31 touchdown passes on our secondary and in the playoffs when we really needed to step up we gave up 123 fucking yards to James Starks (who?!!?).
I may not be a confident blogger yet, being that this is my first ever foray into blogging, but I am stone fucking confident about one thing...The Philadelphia Phillies will be "World Fucking Champions" in 2011. Halladay, Lee, Oswalt, and Hamels. Hamels, Oswalt, Lee and Halladay. I can't take this anymore.
This season, every MLB team is going to be sounding like Squints from The Sandlot, but they won't be referencing Wendy Peffercorn. What they will be referring to is the Phillies starting rotation. The most dominant, high-powered rotation in the past 15 years, possibly EVER. That's right, I said it, EVER. If you don't like it, I will fuck a kid up. Well I probably won't do that, because I'm a lover, not a fighter (actually a pussy, but it sounds better) but I will explain why I so strongly feel this way.
The Braves had an incredible rotation in the early 90's with the likes of Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, John Smoltz and Steve Avery. That was the best starting pitching staff of my lifetime. Granted I'm not Besse Cooper, but I've seen enough baseball to know a hand full of aces. As a side note, names like Besse, Beatrice, Eunice, Gertrude and Bertrum just don't exist anymore and they fucking should. Instead, today we have names like JaMarcus, Rumer, Kyd, Pilot Inspektor, Blanket and Jermajesty. Leave it to the Jackson's to come up with those last two beauties, because there is crazy and then there are the Jackson's, but I digress. The only problem, maybe not problem, but issue that in my opinion makes this new Phillies staff destined to be better than the Braves staff is that only John Smoltz was a power pitcher. All 4 members of the Phillies have the potential to rack up more strikeouts than those creeps on Millionaire Matchmaker. There is nothing more vital than being able to work out of jams by not letting hitters make contact. That is the single best way to limit potential big innings and therefore win a shit ton of baseball games. Not having to rely on fielders to make defensive plays means reducing the number of opportunities for mistakes (in this case, errors) to occur, further reducing the oppositions ability to get additional men on base via any method but by getting actual hits. Because these guys also DON'T issue walks. I also wouldn't be suprised to see all 4 reach 200 Strikeouts and 15 wins each. That is why I believe they have the unique possibility of being greatest pitching staff, ever. Period. Cut and dry. End of Story.
So good fucking luck to the other 29 teams in Major League Baseball, because We Going to the 'Ship.
To lead us into the long weekend, it's another possible recurring item from your Philly utility guy. I went to a small school in MD for college, basically the size of a large high school, so the chances of a completely random bang were zero. If you hammered some girl's ass on Friday, half of campus knew by dinnertime Saturday. You had to be discreet, unless the chick was a total slampig and didn't care. (Loved them. Still do.) But a lot of these small school liberal arts broads put on a front like they're gonna make a difference in this world and they are too good to smush. Now an asshole (yours truly) is likely to get a fair share of work, but we're talking quantity over quality. To get one of the 10 or 11 legitimately hot chicks on campus, you needed a different strategy. I could never play sensitive guy; I really am an asshole almost incapable of feelings. So I went for the jugular with my version of female kryptonite: fucking excellent 80s music. You grab one of these uppity bitches at a party, pretend to care about what they're droning on about for a few minutes and tell her you want to go listen to some 80s music back at your pad. If you put on the right song, these women react like Khloe Kardashian would if she was given a 10-minute free-for-all in Termini Brothers Bakery. I remember using Bette Davis Eyes (by some nobody named Kim Carnes) to put some sex to this Asian gal back in the day. We went to my place, turned this song on and had her ankles to ears by the middle of the second verse. Great success!
PS The version I posted is a Brandon Flowers cover version from 2 months ago in DC. Guy straight kills it.
PPS People are gonna say, "Hey Hot Sauce, this seems like a very similar recurring post to the Friday Jam of the Week on Stoolala." To that I would reference Peter Griffin's infamous Gil Gerard speech and reply "It is similar, but not the same." Besides, the only things I would ever steal from a woman are cooking tips and her virginity. And I don't cook. As my man Emeril Lagasse so eloquently puts it, "BAM"!
